How Do You Think Fast and Talk Smart?
A review of Matt Abraham's book Think Faster, Talk Smarter
I recently recorded a voicemail greeting and was surprised how “valley girl” it was at first. I was using what’s called “rising terminal” which means I ended sentences in an up tone which made it sound like a question. It made me recall a business meeting where I thought I made a statement, and the operations manager thought I was presenting a question to the group. “Are you asking us, Mike?”.
If this is a habit of mine, I have no idea where it came from and didn’t notice it until I heard myself. I’m now afraid my speaking tones are a nightmare child of Napoleon Dynamite and Mean Girls.
After a couple tries trying to “land” my phrases on a down tone, my recording sounded a lot better. I got that advice from a helpful book.
Matt Abrahams, a professor at Stanford and host of podcast Think Fast Talk Smart, published it this year outlining his framework he believes anyone can use to think on their feet and sound smarter.
This book felt like a Silicon Valley nerd version of How to Win Friends and Influence People and crammed with all sorts of acronyms and frameworks.
Calm Down
Notice your breathing and how your body is feeling. Slow it down. Slow down your movements too. If you have them handy, hold a cold bottle and chew on a mint.
It's okay to repeat yourself and to ask questions.
Try to avoid filler words (um, uh) by "landing phrases" right before you need to draw a breath. Matt explains:
"To practice synching sentences and phrases with your breath, I recommend talking through a series of sentences. At the end of each one, you want to “land” by coming down in tone and being out of breath.
To help remember how to calm yourself, Matt recommends creating an AMP "Anxiety Management Plan". It's an acronym you make up yourself to memorize whatever tactics help the most.
A couple examples he shares:
BOOM
Be present in the moment,
Observe your movements,
Oxygenate (exhale twice as long as you inhale),
Mantra (positive word or phrase to calm yourself)
ARC
Acknowledge that anxiety is normal
Rationalize that even if you flop it will soon end and no one will especially remember or care
Cool yourself down by holding something cold in your hand
Dare to be Dull
“‘Be obvious’ is the most powerful, creative mantra that there is,” improvisation expert Dan Klein told me. “When you’re trying to be original, you sound like everyone else trying to be original. But when you’re obvious, you’re yourself. And that’s what’s genuine.”
Try to avoid mental shortcuts or automatic answers like "Good question!" or "I hope you are doing well". They're not helpful in driving a conversation.
Don't monitor yourself or focus on getting it perfect. Dare to be dull and obvious. Paradoxically it will make you sound better.
Embrace mistakes. Matt prefers to call them "missed takes". You won't bat 100% no matter what.
Remember it's a conversation. A two-way street. You're not an actor on a stage giving a performance of Shakespeare. No one should expect perfection in normal conversations.
Avoid memorizing or overly planning. Extemporaneous speaking sounds more natural and often more memorable.
“We don’t have to say something original or pathbreaking every time. It’s enough—and sometimes uniquely powerful—to help keep a conversation going and connect the pieces. Don’t strive to be a cathedral. Focus on being as useful a brick as you can be.”
(This section reminded me of the lessons from an Improv book I read and wrote about in a previous newsletter).
Have the Right Mindset
Matt talks about Carol Dweck's famous studies on fixed versus growth mindsets. In short, if you think you can improve and grow, you will. If you don't think you can change, you'll stay fixed and stuck. One of these strategies will take you farther so choose wisely. Adopt a "not yet" attitude. It's not that you'll never be a good public speaker, you just haven't mastered it yet.
Focus on the audience. Who are they? What do they care about? If you talk about yourself non-stop, you will lose the audience's interest. (Dale Carnegie advised the same.)
Switch from "No but" to "Yes and". Acknowledge the point someone makes and build on top of it. This is the first lesson everyone learns in improv acting and it works in real life too. It doesn't mean you agree with or like what's presented but you're able to work with it and use it to drive the conversation.
(I wrote about improv acting here and here if you want to know more.)
Switch from "What Happened” to "Next Play". It's not the mistake or success that really matters, it's about what you do next. One of the best basketball coaches of all time, Mike Krzyzewski, drilled this into his players.
"To do your best, you should try to stay focused on what’s happening now and not allow what just happened to distract you, regardless of how devastating or wonderful it might be. As Krzyzewski once put it, “Whatever you have just done is not nearly as important as what you are doing right now.” Former Duke star and NBA professional Shane Battier reckoned that the next play was “the most simple but eloquent lesson” that Krzyzewski taught his players."
(This idea reminds me of the “What’s Next” concept that I learned both in improv and creative writing).
Have a "Maybe" outlook. Matt tells the famous horse fable. You can read a version here in two minutes. Matt suggests a couple of ways to implement this attitude:
"Before entering a situation where you might be put on the spot, try writing down “maybe” on a piece of paper and carrying that paper with you in your pocket. The act of writing it down and the feel of it in your pocket might remind you to suspend judgment on what you say or do and simply move on to the next play. Alternatively, you might program your smartphone to send you an alert with the word “maybe” five minutes before an expected spontaneous situation."
Listen
Matt describes three types of distractions preventing you from listening well.
1. Physical noise
2. Physiological noise (fatigue, hunger, and anxiety)
3. Psychological noise (biases, judging, and rehearsing)
How do you deal with those?
Slow your pace and take pauses. It might feel awkward to do at first, but it makes you a better listener and calms the conversation.
Ask clarifying questions like “What makes you believe this?” “How does this help?” “What more can you tell me?”
You can then paraphrase what you heard back to them. Try to comment on what hasn't been said. Ask them to elaborate more on certain points.
Matt Abrahams doesn't talk about it in this book, but it makes me recall a piece of advice from a book I read earlier this year. When paraphrasing, try to use the same emotional keywords the other person did. If they said some situation made them feel "perplexed", paraphrase that you understand the situation made them feel "perplexed". People can feel like they're better understood when you parrot back the key emotional words they use.
I liked this quote in the book about how a famous designer takes feedback and doesn’t make an immediate response.
"When veteran Silicon Valley designer Bob Baxley presents his work to other executives, he doesn’t spend all of his time talking. He makes a point to listen—a lot. “I never try to respond to feedback in the moment and redesign the thing in real time,” he says. “I coach my team to do the same thing. This is our moment to just listen and take notes. We’ll synthesize later what we hear and try to make sense of it."
Structure
Stories stick more in people's minds because they have a specific structure. A beginning that introduces a problem, a middle that raises tension, and an ending that resolves the issue.
You can pull out different structures for different contexts as needed.
Matt's personal favorite structure is WHAT-SO WHAT-NOW WHAT. He calls it the Swiss army knife of speaking structure.
"I just love What–So What–Now What. It’s my favorite structure of all time on account of its simplicity and versatility. You start by discussing an idea, topic, product, service, or argument (What). Then you explain why it’s important, helpful, or useful—why it matters and is relevant (So What). You end with what your audience should do from here with this knowledge —how they might apply it, what actions they should take, and so on (Now What)."
Matt tells a story of a businesswoman, Sarah, who had to cover an important presentation for a colleague who abruptly left for a family emergency. With little prep or background knowledge, she reviewed the slide deck and followed WHAT-SO WHAT-NOW WHAT. She was upfront to the audience that she was covering a topic for a colleague and was excited to share an update. Using the framework, her presentation turned out successful. She received compliments and she credited the framework for helping.
Other structures suggested:
Comparison–Contrast–Conclusion
Problem–Solution–Benefit
Prep (Point, Reason, Example, Point)
Below are six common social situations and the frameworks Abraham suggests using.
Making a toast - WHAT
Why we're here
How you are connected
Tell a relevant Anecdote
Thank the person/group
Example from the book:
“Ting, congratulations on being at the company for five years [W]. We have worked together on a number of projects, and I have learned a lot from you [H]. I remember the time when we ordered all of the T-shirts for our conference, and they came in the wrong sizes and colors. You remained amazingly calm and collected while I was running around crazed [A]. Ting, thanks for being a great colleague, mentor, and friend [T]. Happy anniversary.”
Pitching - PSB
Define a problem, present a solution, describe the benefits.
Example from the book:
“I need to rearrange two large bookcases, since that would allow my office’s new area rug to fit and allow for a clearer view to my big-screen TV [Problem]. Since I helped you move your new sofa up your stairs, I was hoping you could come over tonight to return the favor by helping me move these bookcases [Solution]. We can then better enjoy watching the game and have a drink [Benefit].”
In a more formal sales pitch, you could use sentence starters “What if you could . . .”, “So that . . .”, “For example . . .”, “And that’s not all . . .”
Interviews - ADD
Answer the question in a single sentence
Follow up with Detail in an example that supports the answer
Then Describe the benefits that explain why your answer is relevant to the asker
Example from the book:
“Well, I always enjoy learning new things and meeting people [A]. I found the goal of this gathering to be really interesting and educational [D]. I hope to share some of my past experiences and look forward to learning from folks like you [D].”
Giving Feedback - The 4 I’s
Provide Information.
Explain the Impact.
Extend an Invitation.
Detail the Implications.
Example from the book:
“I notice that your email is three paragraphs long and does not end with a clear request [Information]. I would be confused if I received this message [Impact]. I have two suggestions: (1) remove the summary of your last meeting and simply put a link to the meeting notes and (2) put your desired action in the email subject line [Invitation]. By making these changes, I think the prospect will be more likely to respond quickly [Implication].”
Apologies - AAA
Acknowledge the mistake and take responsibility.
Appreciate the impact it made.
Tell how you will make Amends.
Example from the book:
“I’m very sorry that I raised my voice and cut you off when you were explaining your point of view. That was wrong of me [Acknowledge]. I know that my argumentativeness is unacceptable, and that it reduces how comfortable and collaborative people on our team feel [Appreciate]. Starting today, when I become really passionate, I’ll wait my turn, speak more quietly, and summarize what I heard others say before I contribute my perspective [Action].”
Focus
Don't meander. Have a clear goal. What do you want them to know, to feel, or to do?
Understand what your target cares about and why they should care about what you're talking about. What's in it for them? Matt recalls how Jim Koch, the founder of Sam Adams Brewing, started the business by visiting every bar in Boston and pitching why they should carry Sam Adams. His rule of thumb was “Golden Rule of Selling”: “Never ask customers to do something that is not in their long-term best interest.”
Avoid jargon and acronyms. Assume your audience doesn't know what they are. Matt tells a funny anecdote of where he was giving this advice to a military audience. Someone in the audience explained that the military has so much jargon they compiled into a book called GOAT - Glossary of Acronyms and Terms.
Be up front. Don't "bury the lead" as Matt explains:
"One especially important strategy to consider in advance is conveying the most important information up front. Journalists capture this method with the phrase “Don’t bury the lead.” In other words, start an article with the big news item stated in simple form and then go on to give increasing amounts of detail. In the military, this technique is known as BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front)"
Make your message clear and make it crisp. "Brevity is the soul of wit". Aim to make it both shorter and more meaningful. Matt share one helpful concept his wife used raising their kid called "Minimal Words":
"From her reading of parenting books, my wife learned a mantra that she reminds me of as we’re working out issues with our kids: “Minimal words.” When I ask one of our kids to do something they don’t want to do, I tend to explain a rationale to them . . . and explain it . . . and explain it. My wife simply tells our kids what to do—“Join us at seven p.m. for dinner,” “Clean up your room”—with little or no explanation. By saying less, she finds that she creates fewer opportunities for challenges and endless discussion. Conflict situations get resolved more quickly and efficiently. Life in our household becomes more harmonious."
Quick Game Plan
Make a personal AMP to manage anxiety. Make sure to “land” your phrases.
Don’t be afraid to sound dull or obvious.
Have the right mindset: Growth + Next Play + Maybe.
Listen for what’s not being said and ask clarifying questions.
Use structures, especially WHAT- SO WHAT- NOW WHAT.
Focus on the audience’s needs. Say the most important things up front. Avoid jargon and keep things brief.
I found this quote outside this book, but it fits well.
“How to get better at public speaking: Watch a recording of yourself speaking. It will be shocking and painful, but it’s the best way to improve.”
—Kevin Kelly